Pastels Can Be Punk Rock

Like millions of other people, I’ve always struggled with my mental health. Anxiety attacks, depression, low self-confidence, paranoia, OCD, imposter syndrome and so on, throw in ADHD and dyslexia and you get a heady mix. These were all common daily occurrences for me for many years despite having what many would regard as an enviable life. But like millions of other people, I learnt to manage these conditions in one form or another, exercise, talking about it, therapy, medication etc. and then there was art…

For anyone whose read my previous blogs, you’ll know that I don’t consider myself an artist, maybe at best an outsider artist, but I have not got the technical proficiency nor the training or discipline or eye of a proper artist.  But when my family encouraged me to start turning what had been doodles that I drew in meetings to distract me from panic attacks, something wonderful happened. I found a way of communicating feelings and thoughts and emotions through drawing and painting. I started Hope and Mania and then got the Associate Artist gig with Unison Colour (which I still can’t believe 4 years on), and things were good.

Then at the beginning of 2023, the bottom literally dropped out of my world… and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

The upshot artistically was that I stopped drawing, and I stopped painting. I kept trying to, but either I couldn’t find the energy to, or when I did, I couldn’t pretend it was anything other than rubbish or utter crap. I tried other mediums as well, such as oil and watercolour, the latter of which I started to show some progress with, but it wasn’t what I was. I missed the bright distinct colours of pastels and especially Unison Colour pastels cos let’s face it those cylindrical pure pigment masses are very special. But everything I tried to do came out looking like a toddler had made it (and no disrespect to toddler art as I loved my kids work) but in this case no one was sticking it with pride to the refrigerator door.

The story with me and pastels nearly ended there and I contemplated giving them all to my cousin who’s what I call a proper artist. It wasn’t just my embarrassing technique but also a distinct lack of any imagination, energy or inspiration that had got me to this place. At one point in recent years, I’d been published a couple of times in outsider artist magazines and some of my paintings used in an online book and I’d sold quite a few paintings. But I’d foolishly let it go to my head and started to paint to try and sell or get positive comments on Instagram and when inevitably the interest faded, I took it to heart.  On top of that, every other piece of artwork I was seeing looked amazing. I had also lapsed in my contact with Unison Colour and was embarrassed.

So how do you get back?

I took a couple of extreme budget trips with an old friend. Firstly, to Romania and then to Albania. I’m really interested in eastern European history and seeing the mix of what is left of socialist realist art and architecture intertwined with lavish churches all amidst the icons of corporate consumerism that dominate in every town and city across the globe started to spark something. Only small sparks at first, not enough to hotwire the engine but enough to produce a couple of pieces in oil and then watercolour. But something was missing, as much as I enjoyed watercolour and oil paint, pastels I realised are still where it’s at for me. As I’ve written in other blogs, pastels are often considered the medium of choice for landscapes and portraits and that is well deserved. However, if you get yourself a Unison Colour “Additional 12” or “15” in your hands then you want to make some noise with that sucker… well at least I do anyway. 😊 Pastels can be punk rock.

So, I got back in touch with the lovely people Unison Colour with my tail between my legs and ordered some new pastels and started again. A small battlefield of card and canvas got binned along the way. I didn’t have the luxury of an environment where I could make the mess I used to, throwing pastel and linseed oil around the place like a possessed man, setting fire to those failed works, which if you’ve read my previous blogs was my go-to “style”.

Then finally after what felt like ages, I started to get something that looked like me.

It’s very early days for me, but I am starting to find my feet again in terms of pastel painting, but most importantly I’m enjoying it. My output isn’t to most people’s taste or style perhaps, but it works for me. It doesn’t matter whether it’s creating beautiful coastlines or abstract farragos, it’s about what you get out of it.

So, I suppose what I’m clumsily trying to say is that regardless of why you’re producing art, if you get stuck don’t give up, take a break from it and try not to stress about when you’ll find ‘it’ again, keep looking for inspiration in different places and eventually you will find it and often in the places you don’t expect.